Ok, so people have been pestering me to update.
I will.
Sorry, cos I've been depressed lately.
So I won't bother to paragraph anything properly.

We got back our report books.
I did well, I guess.
2nd in class.
Haha.
4 A1s.
3 A2s.
1 B3.
Yay.
I told my mummy, I want an mp3.
She said, ok.
But if I want an ex one, I'll probably have to pay like half of it.
Not that bad, cos I saved up already.
For the full thing.
If she pays half.
I think I can get my twin sneakers with ANDREA. ♥

UHM.
Mr Catfish said I slack a lot nowadays.
I just sit in his class and stone.
Well, whatever, catfish.
I don't give a damn.
I still got an A1 in your subject, yeah?
And he said.
I mix with bad company.
Well.
Obviously.
Being in his class.
HE'S bad company.

Lately, I've been feeling depressed.
I dunno why.
Maybe cos I'm grounded?
But yeah.
I just feel... sad.
I have no appetite.
And I lost weight.
Not a lot, because when I get a bit happy, I'll gorge myself.
SIGH.

Then now.
I lost a friend.
How do I feel?
Fucking sad.
But you know.
I think I did the right thing.
Trying to teach her something.
But she didn't learn.
Am I stupid?
I guess.

I'm a world of hurt now.
I'm trying to think of happy things.
But I can't.
I'll start thinking of.. fucked up things.
Not that I want to.
I'm trying to be positive.
For the people around me who love me.
But I can't.

No one really noticed I'm depressed.
Except, of course, HIM.
Cos he's practically my other half.
I'm that good an actress, huh?

YOU.
How the fuck do you think I feel.
Having to ignore you.
Walking past you everytime and fighting that urge to say HEY.
Feeling like crying cos I know I'm hurting you.
But doing it anyway, hoping you'll LEARN something from this.
How do you think I feel.
In class.
Whenever I try to say something.
And she comes along and interrupts.
How do you think I feel.
Whenever you group up with her.
All the time.
Till I don't bother to ask to group with you anymore.
Cos I hate her.
And I don't wanna be with her.
How do you think I feel.
When you're my partner.
And she just comes along.
And suddenly we've switched partners.
How do you think I feel.
Whenever the both of you start talking about something I have no idea about.
Making me realise.
We don't have much in common.
I don't watch the shows you watch.
And I don't read the books you read.
So maybe, you're better off with her.
How the fuck do you think I feel.
Having to endure all this for the whole year.
Then finally breaking down.
And realising I can't do this anymore.
And while doing that.
Losing you.
How do you think I feel.
Always feeling like I'm 2nd, and she's 1st.
You don't realise all this.
Cos I never say anything.
I don't want to complicate things.
Cos I knew things would turn out this way.
Did I say anything about.
Saying get lost to the first friend you made in school.
Am I such, an insensitive bitch.
That I don't know, she's the first friend you made.
If I am.
Then why do I bother to entertain her.
When she insults all my celebs.
Because I don't do that to people who insult my celebs.
But for you, I endure it all.
I try to be nice.
You know.
I've been through a lot of shit, with friendships.
Maybe I really shouldn't have bothered.
To trust anyone anymore.
Because I trust you.
TRUSTED you.
A lot.
You were the best friend I had.
In class.
I know.
I'm not the best friend you had in class.
But I didn't give a fuck.
Frankly.
I don't need this shit anymore.
Feeling guilty.
Miserable.
Thinking its my fault this friendship broke down.
Not sleeping well.
Not eating well.
Making him worry so much.
Seeing him in this hurt, feeling bad.
Wondering why I'm such a fucktard.
Do you think its fun.
To be fighting, all the time.
With someone you love.
And know that inevitably, you'll end up losing her.
But doing it anyway.
Hoping that.
Maybe, she'll come out of this, learning something new.
Hoping that.
Maybe, she'll stop getting bullied all the time.
Because you do.
Get bullied, all the time.
And it hurts me, cos I can't do anything for you.
Sonia.
She told me.
I'm doing the right thing.
She says.
She would do the same.
To teach you.
I think.
Maybe.
I'm just a stupid fucked up bitch.
And I shouldn't have gotten involved in your lovely innocent life.
You know what?
I don't feel very sorry.
Frankly.
Its your choice.
Giving up this friendship.
For that bitch.
Giving up all that we shared.
For that bitch.
Giving up all the whacked things we did.
For that bitch.
I tried.
It didn't work.
So.
I'm not sorry.

IF YOU PEOPLE SMS ME.
OR CALL ME.
ON MY HANDPHONE.
I WON'T PICK UP.
ITS ON SILENT MUTE.
BECAUSE I DON'T FEEL LIKE TALKING TO ANYONE NOW.
IF I'M ONLINE.
YOU CAN IM ME.
BUT.
UNLESS YOU'RE SOMEONE I'M REALLY CLOSE TO.
THAT IS.
RH, ANDREA, WEIHAN, AMA, HYX AND CLAUD.
DON'T BOTHER.