♫ 남겨진 사람 - 플라이 투 더 스카이

New layout coming! Its Fly to the Sky, I hope. xD I'll try to do something with it. I'm not digging Hwan Hee's image though. D: I imagine it'll be up by my BIRTHDAY. Cos I'm gonna be doing a lot of shuffling with my pages and whatnot.

Bowling today. =D It was totally fun. Was with Weihan and Andrea in a lane. I only topped the lane for ONE game? The 3rd one. We had to do 40 frames. Crazyyyyyy~ I got two strikes out of 4 games ok. How pathetic is that? Though overall, I did better than I've done all year. Andrea DAMN lucky. She got 7 or 8 strikes? WTH can?! Weihan and I were like DDDDD: all the way.

I've got FANS! xD Interesting, isn't it? I apparently ALREADY have supporters if I'm gonna be an author. I let Dione read, and she showed her bro who was awed. *cough* Then Sonia CRIED while reading 'Melancholy'. And 'The Guy Not Taken' is everyone's favourite. Even mine. Cos it has a HAPPIER ending than the other. En Ci now demands I bring all my other stories to school to let her read. Shi Ying and Kirin kept on going, "OMG YOU WROTE THIS?!"

Though I have to say, I wrote all of that LAST YEAR. I haven't written a decent piece of thing ALL year. RH's demanding something. 8D; I WILL come up with something... You've got to give it TIME. I got my basic storyline down, but I'm trying to arrange it. And I think my vocabulary SHRUNK over the year, so I'm gonna be nosing through the dictionary like a nerd again.

"I should have loved you with my all, but now you live forgetting me..."
- 사랑앓이 (FT Island)

I love that whole line. Its like my favourite line in the WHOLE song. I think that's the main reason I like to show people how much I love them. Sometimes, they just need to feel loved. Or they're gonna end up feeling neglected, and drifting away from you. And if I could turn back time, I would probably apply this to every single person I know I would never want to lose.

Abang, I miss you so much. Time heals all wounds. That phrase is crap. Day by day, I miss you more and more. The things I wouldn't do to hold you one last time, to hear your laugh, to just see your face in the flesh. I don't care what happened to your physical body. I'm sure spritually, you're as handsome as I remember you. And will always remember you. I fear so much that I may one day forget you. I'm always trying to act happy, be busy, forget a lot of things. But when I've got nothing to do, its as though reality has slapped me hard across the face. I know you're gone. I keep on telling myself to accept it. I have accepted it. I just can't BELIEVE it. I used to watch all those dramas and think how horrid it would be to lose a family member. I can't believe its happening to me. And its all shit how those drama ends, with the person ALWAYS managing to get over the grief. Like WTF?

I'm sick of always pretending to be strong. Pretending like nothing is wrong. But there is. Huge parts of my life. All wrong. I like to create a fantasy world for myself. And just think, hey, this is where I belong. But do I really? I need to fucking wake up and see the world as it is.

The thing that hurts me the most is how much people think I have forgotten you. And that I am trying to get rid of your memory. I'm not sure if I'll ever let go of you. Even if I can just hold you by a sliver of flesh, I will. I want to.

I still need you so badly. I can't ever find someone to replace you. Have you been sending people to me? Sometimes I think you are. If you have, I've lost one. He was a pathetic replacement, seriously. Now there's one more. I want to say I KNOW he's gonna be there for me, but I can't trust myself anymore. I always end up trusting the wrong people and hurting myself. I need to start taking care of myself, not being dependant on people like they're drugs.

Damn I'm feeling so fucking sick.